#i'm just now noticing that my cut in part three is in korean (

[mgnifique-tion]

— worlds apart.

summary || ``sometimes, genuine love isn’t enough for two to let things stay the same.``

pairing: 2012-2013!loki x gn!scientist!reader song recommendations: love you with all my heart – crush lowercase is intended… » part 1 | part 2

— themes and warning/s: angst yet slightly happy ending (?) somewhere in the middle, forbidden love, thorki happy ending (brotherly,, i can't believe i have to put brotherly in this one)

— a/n: finally, the last part is finished! this took me a while to post bc haha, i graduated and got a job (GOAT fr) 🎓 and idk, i'm not really awesome w the time management (un-GOATified) and i also wasn't happy with my first draft of this so i had to write a whole new second half 😭 but ig if you guys want the other - much happier ending, you can boost this up to 20 reblogs (that would be very great!! thx!! 🤘) and i'll post it right away bc it's already written anyway!!

— edit: check out the song rec,,, it’s magnificent. idk what koreans ate to make good OST 😭 + there's a noticeable timeskip from when loki returned to asgard and his imprisonment there + it was also before frigga's passing :(

[ total words: 2.5k ]

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loki left...

but at what cost?

now, you were standing in front of him while he was locked away in the cell provided by s.h.i.e.l.d. and he glared at you coldly, just like how he looked at you the first time. but right now, loki’s mind couldn’t unwrap around the fact that you had turned him in… or at least, that’s what he thought happened since he’s known betrayal far worse than everyone else, not even thor.

“loki.” you placed your palm against the glass as he looked away, a frown plastered over his face as a scowl escaped his lips. he really thought you were set apart from all the humans who were terrified of him, the humans who had surrounded him, and the humans who fired weapons stronger than bullets at him.

but in the end, you were still human… and he hated it badly. “you betrayed me,” loki spoke out, “... you don’t know the extent of your power, do you?”

and those first three words he uttered broke you. how could he think you betrayed him? for god’s sake, you’ve kissed him without thinking twice! you’ve followed his rules without complaining! you’ve eaten a midnight meal with him on the top of a mountain and talked to him about the little girl you failed to save… your little sister.

why on earth would he think that you, out of all people, have turned into a traitor?

“loki,” you said his name once more but in a softer manner, “look, you’re not seeing this right. i would never turn you in–”

“i am seeing it clearly.” he grunted, still not looking at you. he couldn’t dare to look at you after that godforsaken kiss; so heavenly to feel but so hellish to remember. “y/n, i–,” he had to cut himself off, knowing that he’s just called you by your name. the name that every friend would address you by. the name that would remind him that there was this closeness between both of you at one point.

for a short amount of time, he’d want to spend more with you but the universe had told him it was too big of a risk. “... i shouldn’t have set you free… i never expected you to be in front of me right now,” he solemnly whispered, now knowing the consequences of falling for a human. after all, how unethical would it be for a god to fall for some earthly creature? 

he found you beautiful in so many ways that he just couldn’t let himself not feel your lips, his mind overly consumed by the imagination of just taking you, claiming his place in you, and turning you as the right hand to his throne.

having you by his side; that was his fantasy. an everlasting one. 

and this fueled his rage even more against his older brother, who could love a human while he had to be kept in this cage, desperately reaching his hands out to you while the windows shielded you from him as if he was some beast; only allowed to watch but never touch. “you’re mine!” he growled loudly, now staring into your eyes while his fist banged against the glass, making you flinch. “... you were supposed to be mine.” 

as selfish and ridiculous as he may have sounded, saying those words broke him. it shattered him. the truth will always shatter the wall of lies he’s made for himself.

when you thought this situation couldn’t get any worse, you heard thundering footsteps from behind, almost as if it was approaching you. on the other side of the glass, loki’s eyes darkened, a familiar smirk creeping up his face like he’s worn a mask. “... so, you’ve taken l/n away from me as well? how generous.” the god of mischief’s voice was mixed with bitterness and disguised wrath as you turned around and saw the storm’s mighty warrior. 

“listen, brother,” thor called his name with a hint of hope, “that doctor did not turn you in, they just wanted to pay you a visit.”

of course loki didn’t believe him. in fact, loki couldn't; the god of mischief had been lied to many times before he turned his back against those same liars. “if they hadn’t turn me in, then why am i here? why are they not with me? why are they standing next to you outside of this room!?” jealousy seeped into the cracks of his mask, the reality of his emotions destroying himself.

he couldn’t bear seeing his brother standing next to you. “because you’re a criminal,” you spoke up, breaking the silence after loki just shouted at thor’s face. taking another step closer to the glass, you stated, “loki, you’ve taken me hostage and you kissed me–”

“no, you kissed me,” loki claimed.

“because you told me to!” you clarified.

“and you desired it.” he insisted.

while both of you fought, thor stood right beside you with a rather awkward stance, forced to listen to his younger, fucked in the head brother express how much he wanted you to be his. needless to say, it was an unpleasant discussion to witness all in real-time. “enough!” roared the mighty god of thunder, catching both of your attention at the speed of lightning.

but the argument didn’t stop there. “you tell me that i left an effect on you but you’re so full of yourself that you wouldn’t let this go.” and anger found you at that moment, showing loki all the consequences of his actions; what world domination led him to. 

“... my god, loki,” you uttered hopelessly, “you know you don’t have to do this. it never had to be like this.”

in those hours you’ve been around him, you knew that you weren’t the only one controlled by such power. his every move had to be right – had to make the plan progress or else, all things fail and by now, you’ve already noticed that loki so despised it.

loki so desperately didn’t want to bring the whole order down.

“please, your brother is willing to give us a chance–”

“if this is an attempt to persuade me to stop, you’re not doing so well at all.”

of course loki wasn’t quite fond on hearing about what his brother thought about the two of you. he couldn��t care less about him anymore; whether he truly wanted it or not, the plan will push through. 

this world will be molded in his hands and his horns will be everyone’s crucifix. 

so, you tried one more time. “... you already have power over me,” you admitted, your voice trembling in shame and pride. thor, who now stood behind you, couldn’t bear listening to this but he couldn’t help but think that his brother was turning you down over his ruling despite needing clarity that all he needed was love. “is that not enough?”

and there was coldness after the fire, filling in the entire room as you waited. there wasn’t enough patience for loki anymore but you kept on holding on because you had to. if this was the only way you could persuade him to stop all of this, then you had to do it.

if you couldn’t save her before, maybe you could save the people she’s left behind.

but there was no response as the alarms had gone off. agents from around the area had already told the rest of the avengers that dr. banner had turned into the emerald beast and you just had to be kept away from loki’s cell to prevent further damage yet what they didn’t know was that loki had given you a promise: that not even a finger from him would leave a bruise on your skin.

a promise that he continued to stand by even if it’s too late.

“forgive me, doctor.” he closed his eyes for a moment, letting his sorrow sink deeper into his hardened heart. soon, his irises stared into his open palm, determination floating above his guilt. 

“but this can’t be stopped.”

not even an hour later, his cell opened and chaos ensued in the rest of manhattan. creatures from other worlds led, buildings – new and old – fell, and the six were united and formed to defend the planet while the people genuinely thought that the end of the world had come for them; all because of the god with that damn scepter.

unfortunately, he ended up receiving a sentence from his father.

“you have a visitor.” the gentle voice of the woman who stood next to you called onto him. the god was facing away from the window, which exposed him to the other prisoners. those who have been imprisoned just like him no longer treated him with respect; after all, how could the son of odin do such a thing?

yet that was the entire problem: he was not odin’s son. not anymore. “a visitor?” he laughed at the idea of it, believing that no one would dare to visit him at this point. even for him, it was a surprise that his mother was doing that exact thing now after everything that happened.

he never meant to make it this far.

all he wanted was to end his pain but in return, he brought it to everyone.

“and who would that be, mother?”

“... a friend of yours. from midgard.”

the moment that damned planet was mentioned, he lifted his head from the floor, slowly turning around. his pupils dilated at the sight of you standing next to his mother as hundreds of questions broke into his mind. but one question remained unanswered: how on earth did you reach asgard?

“... you.” his gaze, voice, and demeanor softened. the idea of you visiting him in an outer space prison was weakening his cold heart on the spot. 

his mother stared at her son before shifting her gaze at you, giving you a small nod. “i’ll leave you both alone. thank you for visiting him…” she thanked you, taking the steps further away from you, the glass, and her imprisoned son after you returned her with a smile. it was the first time in months that loki had actually looked at someone with vulnerability showing in every crevice of his whole being.

carefully, you went up the short steps of the stairs in front of the glass, walking closer to him as you watched him do the same. “... your brother allowed me to pay you a visit,” you spoke, earning yet another one of those sarcastic laughs he always had. 

“oh, i don’t believe you,” he stated blatantly, “thor would never allow such a thing–”

“it was because he found me crying… about you.” you interrupted him, which silenced him right away. after his sentence had been announced around the headquarters, it felt as if a piece of your heart went missing, a void just forming right there. you never planned to visit him; what he did to manhattan was horrible, the entire world could’ve been put at stake if the black order continued.

but thor insisted after hearing you cry alone in your respective office.

“... well.” he shrugged, chuckling at the thought of it. “it’s unsurprising that he wanted you to see me like this,” he expressed as he looked at how much of a mess he was already, his palms resting against each other before placing them both behind his back. “... was it to embarrass me? in front of you?”

you shook your head and told him sternly, “no.”

he was yet taken aback once more, tilting his head to the side in confusion. he’s always believed his brother would only allow things to interact with him if it’ll shame him to the fullest. shame him for all the things he’s done. all the harm he’s caused.

“are you…” he paused, his throat drying up in anxiety. “... are you ashamed of me?”

it was rare for the god to ever ask someone that question. loki’s already made up his mind: he’s unloved, uncared for. a cunning, manipulative being who played with his subjects, leaving no room for regret in his heart.

but for the first time, he felt afraid of what you felt about him.

because all he wanted to be was to be next to you. to feel you. 

to hold the soft palms of your hands in his and never let them go ever again.

and again, you shook your head and placed your palm over the glass. “i could never be ashamed of you even if i wanted to,” you responded softly as loki’s breath hitched. “... but the things you did– they are… just… wrong...” you didn’t dare to say more as you watched how despair filled his gaze, his approaching hand further away from the glass as if he couldn’t see himself being with you. loki, in this very moment, was forced to swallow and embrace the truth – that the idea of you and him will always remain an idea because of what he did.

so, you’ve lowered your palm, too.

loki turned his back and walked away, his mind taken over by regret. if only he had met you differently, things wouldn’t have been like this. if only he hadn’t been so angry at his known family for keeping such a secret from him, you would’ve been his. if only things had been different, you could’ve been in his embrace right at this very moment.

but he knew that none of those would matter. “you should go.” the god denied himself of this privilege, which was something you didn’t want as you shook your head. you swore to never leave him; not in this state at least.

“and please,” he begged breathlessly as he kept his head down. “... live happily for me.” 

and the entire hall fell silent again. even the others seemed tense, listening to the words exchanged by both you and the god. 

“but i want to stay… i still love you.” those were the only words that could come out of your mouth at the moment, protesting hopelessly. 

“... it’s too late.” his voice trembled at the mention of it and before you could say anything back, his brother entered, catching your attention. with a single nod from him, you knew that it was best to follow the avenger instead of staying longer. after all, you were not part of their world… and neither should loki be a part of yours.

the god’s gaze lingered on you as the moment you were gone, he closed his eyes shut for a while until he realized that thor watched him. “what? are you glad that this happened? glad that i pushed them away for them to be finally free from this? for them to be happy?” loki snapped, scoffing at his brother’s observant glare. in response, thor just sighed deeply, slightly leaning against the glass.

“you do truly love them… if you want, i'll watch them for you. i’ve never expected you to love a human since you weren’t fond of the idea.” it took loki a long pause before he knew that his older brother really was willing to protect you from danger as long as he’s in prison because somehow, they both knew that he’ll escape someday. 

and for the first time, his lips curled into a tiny smile. “thank you… brother.”

[transuncletaylor]

Gather around, it's time for my Christmas/Holiday story or how I got very lost in Seoul cause I'm a dumbass. (I'm gonna use she/her when referring to myself cause I was identifying as a woman then)

Picture it, it's December 2009 in Seoul, South Korea. Ya girl Taylor has been in the city for about two weeks at this point and the first time I had been to Korea. My sister was an English teacher at a hagwon (after school program) and I largely spent the afternoon and evenings exploring the city while she was at work.

Now before we delve into the meat of the story, there are a few things we need to establish. One, I can read the Korean alphabet and speak a little, just enough to get around. Two, I did not have a smartphone because it's 2009 and they weren't really a thing yet. Three, my sister had written down in my notebook her address, her phone number, her work number, all sorts of important info and key phrases.

So skip to December 24th, it's Christmas Eve and it's cold as fuck and it snowed a little that day. I had lunch with my sister, I think we had gone to a sushi buffet place I think. One of things I had planned to do that day was go to this live taping at a radio station that a few members of Super Junior were going to be at. I told my sister where I was going and what time to expect me back that evening.

We part ways and I go about doing who knows what because the radio show wasn't until like 9pm. Before we continue, I think we'll need a map real quick. My sister lived in Mapo-gu, worked in I can't remember but towards the west, and the radio station was at KBS On at Yeouido Island. Note the Han River cuts the city in half.

My 20 year old self did not have a cellphone actually either, well I had one but I just couldn't use it in Korea. I go on my way and that evening I head over to KBS. I get there, got a little lost where the viewing area was and saw a kpop star, from Beast/Highlight in the wild. But I find the viewing area and I'm just living my best kpop girlie life. (In another post we'll talk about how I had dinner with Yesung from Super Junior's parents)

After a while it's getting late and I know I need to head back because the buses and subways were shutting down early. I head back to the main bus area on the island and find the bus number I needed and hop on, grateful for the warmth. The bus starts going and I just have my headphones on listening to my iPod nano.

So my sister lives on the other side of the river right? I have to cross the river which is wide as fuck and I notice after maybe 30 minutes that we haven't crossed the river yet. At first I thought I might have just zoned out and started paying attention more. But none of the stops sounded familiar to me and nothing was looking like Hongdae, which is where I was going to get off.

Dumbass moment number one was I waited about another 15 minutes before I realized I might have made a mistake. I go up to the bus driver and ask about my stop and he slaps his hands on the wheels and curses a bit. But other than that, I couldn't understand what he was saying. A kind older gentleman rider came up and translated for me and that's when I found out I had the correct bus number but instead of inbound, I went outbound.

Just stay on the bus right? It'll head in the other direction? No. That was the last bus of the night.

The kind gentleman took me to his stop and I followed like a lost duckling and luckily for me he brought me to a police station. So just imagine me, a dumb 20 year old white girl in South Korean police station, there's limited communication and I'm scared and feeling like a giant idiot for getting lost and now bothering these two police officers with my dumbassery.

Surely it can't get worse, Taylor. You have your sister's number, you can just call her and probably get a cab.

Yeah, you would think, but this is me we're talking about, my dumbassery is limitless. I was born a himbo before I even knew it. So you remember that notebook I had with all of that contact information and address? Yeah, I left that at the apartment. I didn't know what her number was much less her street address. I could point it out on a map though so that was close enough.

That's not all though, I didn't have any cash on me and there wasn't Venmo or cashapp these days and debt cards/credit cards didn't often work at a lot of places abroad. I had already spent the cash I had on me that day and so the police officer takes me next door to pull cash at the ATM in the 7-11. Except that ATM doesn't accept my card.

We go back to the police station and they call a taxi company to see if they would take me but without cash and an exact address or a phone number, they say no. They think I will just run out on the tab and the drive was going to be far.

At this point, I have no money, no prospects, and scared. Oh and no way to contact my sister to let her know where I was and that I was okay. What am I going to do now? Take a nap on the leather couch in the police station, of course. I am given a Krispy Kreme donut and a space heater and I just knock out a few hours until 6am when the buses start running again.

The police wave down the bus and explain to the bus driver about the dumb dumb foreigner who got lost and how she needs to get to Hongdae. Actually, I don't even think I had enough money on my bus card but uhhhh, yeah I think people were tired of my shit at this point. So I'm seated on the bus, nice and cozy and... I fall asleep.

I'm woken up later by someone nudging me and everyone on the bus staring at me because the bus driver is trying to get my attention over the intercom. We had made it to Hongdae and goddamn, I feel so bad for the people involved in this because I was such a fucking idiot. Thank you to everyone who had helped me that night and I hope each of them are doing well now.

I get off the bus and start walking back to my sister's apartment and it's about a 30 minute walk. I get back to her place, punch in the numbers into the keypad on her front door and walk in. And it goes like:

Leah, out of sight in her loft bed area: ...Taylor?

Me, at the front door: ...hiiiiiiiiiiiii sister

She comes running down and nearly squeezed me in half from the tightest hug I had ever received. There are tears going down both of our faces and yeah, like she's a 24 year old whose little sister was missing in a big city in a country far far from home. After making sure I was real and not hurt, I told her about my wild adventure and where I was and why I didn't call.

Now what was she up to while I was a toasty little cinnamon roll fast asleep on a couch in a police station? She had gotten home around 11pm from work and waited until midnight for me to return. When I wasn't back by then, she started to get nervous and around 1am she called our mother to say that she thinks I'm missing.

They both then go into action. My sister calls the police and through her tears explains that her little sister hasn't come home and she doesn't know where I am. She gives them my description and two of them show up at her apartment to get a photo of me. From what I was told, that was sent around to police stations and the hospitals were alerted to be on the look out for a white girl with my description.

So end of story right? I'm back home, the police and embassy are told about my return and cancelled the alert. Everything is fine and it's Christmas Day, so let's open presents and eat some tasty food and be merry. Taylor, what else could happen that day? Taylor... Taylor, why aren't you saying the end? Taylor, please. Please, how far does your dumbassery go?

My mother had called the US embassy and told them about my disappearance and so like, plenty of people are looking for my lost dumb ass. But Taylor, weren't you in a police station? Wouldn't they have gotten the alert and replied back that they had you? Good point, but you see, I was not in Seoul at this point. I had sat my ass on that bus long enough that I ended up in Anyang. I tried putting a second map to this post, but Tumblr keeps fucking up and not saving it, so please look at your map app for Anyang.

My mother also thinks I've been kidnapped and sent to North Korea and is just blasting all over Facebook about me missing.

Leah still has to go to work that day, so she gets a short nap in, we'll do presents when she gets home that evening. She's not having to work a whole day, so she'll be home early. I plan on staying at the apartment, though I do venture out to the store to get some groceries for Christmas dinner. An ajumma gave me a wrapped gift on the way back and it was a cute pair of socks and an info slip about the local neighborhood church. I think I still have those socks.

While she was at work, I started cooking which is never a good idea because I have made the fire alarm go off by boiling water. In my luggage, I brought a toaster oven that was my mother's Christmas gift to Leah and a plug converter. I plugged it in, but my dumbass did it wrong cause when I turned it on, I blew a fuse in her apartment. However, I made dinner and she came home and we opened gifts and watched movies.

The End.

[werewolf-w1tch]

part 4 of my ROTTMNT x TMA crossover analyses in which i decide which TMA entity a character from ROTTMNT would serve/vibe with! (villain edition 2: electric boogaloo)

parts one two three

we back babey!! it’s been a bit of a week for me hence the delay on this, but i’m ready to get back into the analysis mindset. i’m gonna continue the villain streak from part three cause i didn’t quite get to everyone, so it’s big bad time!

spoilers for tma and rottmnt!

kicking off the post with barry draxum!

i really really like draxum ok. i like everything about him. if donnie weren’t donnie then draxum would probably be my favorite character. he’s so funky. my poor little meow meow.

as i did with splinter, i wanted to split draxum into baron draxum and barry draxum for funsies. i’ll be doing the same with shredder. 

baron draxum is a corruption-aligned eye avatar with a healthy dosing of slaughter and spiral tossed into that rancid smoothie. i chose the spiral for the same reason i gave it to mikey: mystic shit. baron draxum was also a warrior alongside being a scientist and that man has absolutely killed before. he just gives me those vibes. 

barry draxum is a corruption-marked (cause the entities never really leave you) eye avatar with that same spiral but who is also leaning more towards the flesh when he becomes a lunch lady. you could also argue some lonely for him at the beginning of his redemption arc bc he’s living alone with no purpose having had his life force literally ripped out of him. i also get the feeling that, like splinter, he misses his glory days. i doubt he would go back to them bc he cares too much about the boys to want to go back but i can’t imagine he doesn’t have days where he reminisces on himself at his peak, powerful and respected. once he and splinter make up and he starts getting along with the boys, then he manages to break free of the hold the lonely has on him.

big mama!

i am very gay ok. preddy lady manipulate turrtles go brrrr. she is also the villain ever. again, if donnie weren’t donnie then she and draxum would be fighting each other to the death over who my favorite character would be. WAIT WHY ARE ALL MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS THE PURPLE ONES-

big mama is an hunt-aligned web avatar with a side of eye and a dash of the slaughter (it’s a very big dash ok). no one is surprised she’s a web avatar; she’s got the spider motif and she’s very manipulative with eyes and ears everywhere in the hidden city. she’s very intelligent and has a clear eye for talent, always on the hunt for her next champion. she is also so violent and you know what i support women’s wrongs. do you ever wonder if she regretted putting lou jitsu in the battle nexus (not enough to pull him out, but like do you think she ever regretted not saying yes and just having a life with him. anyway)

shredder!

PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE WHY DOES HE STAND LIKE THAT HE’S STANDING LIKE HE’S IN YOUR DOORWAY AT TWO IN THE MORNING TO TELL YOU HE THREW UP 

shredder is gonna be split into the shredder at the end of season1/beginning of season2 and then the shredder in the finale. 

end of s1 shredder is an extinction-aligned slaughter avatar with a bit of stuck-on spiral. the spiral comes from his constant blipping in and out of reality as he was teleported around new york. not much to say for him, he’s pretty self-explanatory. this shredder was terrifying because he was powerful (though not quite as powerful as finale shredder) and also because he just attacked everything in sight as brutally as he could. there was no strategy, just murder. 

finale shredder is an eye-marked extinction avatar with that same slaughter in him, just not quite as much as s1/2 shredder. THIS shredder was so much more dangerous because he was now awake and aware and could thus use his abilities and skills to the fullest and by god did he. i don’t have experience with other shredder incarnations but i fucking adored this shredder while he was around. what can i say i’ve got a soft spot for villains. 

the krang!

GOD what to say about the krang. i’m in love with the mech suit of krang prime and as villains themselves the krang were everything i love in antagonists. body horror galore and they were absolutely terrifying. i liked that they felt like their own characters too; they had the same goal and they had their similarities but they still felt like different people yk? it was so funny getting the whiplash i got when i learned what the krang are in 2012 vs here. 10/10 one and done villains. 

the krang are all slaughter-aligned extinction avatars with their own flair. krang prime is eye-aligned since he was obviously the brains of the operation. brownie krang (the little one) is flesh-aligned with all his ooey-gooey drippy disgustingness. murder krang is slaughter-aligned since she came out the door fucking SWINGING. i feel like if she weren’t evil (or if cassandra was) and didn’t hate every living thing she and cassandra would get along well. 

[bettyxinez]

Nothing Left To Give

chapter four • smile

Kat didn't mention her DID until two weeks after that, and Malcolm found himself thinking about her more then he probably should have.

And Kat knew it too. They had been getting closer and closer and she could tell how curious he was. Over the span of the 7 weeks they had become friends, and Kat was confident in saying he was one of the closest friends she ever had, so much so that even some of the Others wanted to meet him.

Driving each other to and from the precinct was becoming a regular occurrence, and he slowly revealed more and more about his past, opening up to her much quicker then she was to him.

"So thats what you're trying to figure out? If the girl in the box is real and who she is?"

"Yeah. Funnily enough, trying to solve a murder where the only evidence is unreliable memories is kind of...hard."

"I understand that. Not the murder part, but everything else."

His curiosity had been temporarily put on the back burner while he told her his story, but now it was at the forefront of his mind.

She noticed almost immediately. She kind of felt bad about it, and was planning on telling him when the time was right.

The time never seemed right.

And when it did, she couldn't bring herself to talk about it. So she eventually just waited for him to bring it up.

He was in her apartment again, looking at some of the pictures on her wall and laughing as she told stories of the people in them.

He noticed quickly that none of them were members of her family.

"What about your family?" He asked, before he even realized the can of worms he might have opened by doing so.

She tensed immediately, turning to look at him.

"We don't... talk."

Malcolm looks up at her, noticing for the first time that she was taller then him.

"Do you mind if I ask why?"

She sits down on her couch, tucking her feet underneath her. Malcolm sat next to her.

"They didn't believe me when I told them what was... happening... to me."

His breath hitched. His mind reeling from the possibilities of what that meant. He supposed that he could ask. They had gotten a lot closer, and if she didn't want to talk about it, he could wait longer. No problem.

"And... what was happening to you?"

She looked away from him, eyes widening for a split second, and then she slowly took a deep breath.

This was it. He had asked, and she didn't know if she was ready.

She could dive head first into telling him and risk freezing in the fridgid water, or stay safe and dry, but risk putting a wall between her and Malcolm.

She decided to just take the plunge.

"...bad things." She whispered. And even just thinking about it, her brain was assaulted with memories, and she already felt herself slipping.

"Bad, bad things...hurt... it hurt."

She screwed her eyes shut, fists clenching. Her nails dig into her palms and she sucks in a breath.

Malcolm watched, letting her set the pace, but his brows were furrowed in concern. He knelt down in front of her and offered his hands. She took them with a crushing grip.

"...hold on... someone..." her breath hitched.

"Someone's here. Sorry." Malcolm watched in both worry and fascination.

"Its... okay. Take your time." He responded.

He knew what was happening. She was doing what she had told him was "switching". One of her alters was coming. He was very curious, but he was also fearful as to what would happen next.

Would he ruin everything? He hoped not.

Kats eyes unfocused for a second, and then she stopped.

She looked up, eyes blinking.

She continued staring for a second and looks around.

When he heard her voice, he didn't know what to think.

"...I was told to not like... pretend to be Kat."

Malcolms eyes widen, and hes taken aback. Her voice sounds so different. A touch lower, and with a strong Essex accent, her words somehow a mix of dramatic and lazy sounding.

"Uh... yeah. Who is this?"

"Has she told ya any of our names?"

"...No. But I've never asked. Wanted to go at her own pace."

Kat-whoever- nods at that, looking down at their clothes.

"What the fuck is this? Kat I told ya not to dress us in a skirt!"

He looks at the person in front of him.

"You don't like skirts?"

"Nah. Its not my style. I'm Haven. Primary protector and ex-prosecutor. Basically means I didn't used to be a great person. I'll explain more later if I feel like it. Its my job to protect us, and my job to judge whether someone is safe. You seem to be okay for now."

He was at a loss for words. He was given almost zero warning, however he assumed that she wasn't either.

"So what 'ave you said to set 'er off then?" She said, glaring. It was so weird, he thought, how her entire demeanor has changed. Man or woman. Or whatever. He didn't even know.

The glare on her face looked so unnatural, like it didn't belong there.

"We sort of got onto the topic of her past. And then... you came out." He said.

"Sorry, who exactly are you? You specifically. Not just your role." He said, confused and cautious as to where to go from here.

"Are you askin' what I look like?" She responded, the way she holds herself that of a completely different person.

"Maybe. Or just who you are. What you like and dislike, your interests."

She stares at him, tilting her head.

"Well for one thing, my skin is a bit darker then this, Kat is atrociously pale. I've got short, curly black hair and freckles."

He tries to imagine it, but its hard. He's looking at what he knew as Kat, but now, she's someone different.

Haven continued talking.

"I've got sort of big eyes. Small nose. Thick eyebrows. Big-ish lips. I look like I'm mixed race, but I don't like to think of myself as that because I will never relate to the struggles of being black and I will never be fully emersed in the culture. The body is Korean, and I don't think it's appropriate to be say that I'm mixed race because my actual real life body is not."

Malcolm nods. He could understand that.

So Haven, he noted, was a rambler.

"Im an integrated alter. I used to be three people. I have the memories of three different people and I remember them all separately. I have access to all the memories and trauma, so don't fuck with me." She says the last bit with a bit of sadness and anger.

Haven was really closed off, he thought. She looked at him with a fierceness he couldn't describe, and soon, he found himself noticing all the differences between them. The more she talked, the more she became her own person to him.

"I have just a few things to say to you before I go back inside-"

"Inside where?" Malcolm asked, cutting her off, suddenly very confused. More then he already was.

"Back to inner world. We have a whole world inside our head. We all live in an apartment building. Well not all. We have a cave, a pool, a forest, other stuff. When we're fronting, we're sitting in the lobby. I sound insane when I say that, but its true."

She shrugged.

Shes right, he thought.

It did sound insane.

And if he didn't already know a bit about the disorder, he would have called her out.

And some would say the same about his mental health problems.

So he believed her.

"So... you protect Kat?"

"Yes. And everyone else. Its my job. I was the first one made, the first one to take it instead of her."

His brows furrowed at that.

"What does that mean?"

She looks up at him.

"It means that when fucked up shit was happening to us I took her place so she didn't have to deal with it."

He thought about that. Fucked up shit? Like what? Did it have to do with his father? He shuddered at that thought.

It had taken him almost every ounce of willpower to not ask Kat about it, but he figured could ask Haven. So he did.

"Does the name Martin Whitly ring a bell?"

She stood up then, and dragged him up by the collar of his shirt, eyes intense and angry.

"How do you know that name?" She asked through gritted teeth, voice low.

Struck a nerve, then.

"He-He's my father." He said. Her eyes widened and she threw him onto the couch.

"Have you seen him recently? Don't lie to me I swear to God I will know."

He was taken aback. Things had taken a 180 faster then he could even process what was happening.

Struck a big nerve, then.

He could tell the truth, but what if it ruined their friendship?

Or he could lie, but she said she will know. That would probably ruin their friendship even more...

Before he can even stop himself:

"Yes."

She sits down then, eyes clenching.

"You have to take me to him."

He stands up, fists clenching.

"No. Absolutely not." He couldn't let his father ruin their friendship. He wouldn't let him.

"Either you take me to him or I go myself."

"You can't."

"I'll find a way." Her eyes glinting in determination. He suddenly got the feeling that she wasn't joking.

He took in a shuddery breath, hands shaking.

"Fine."

_______________________________________

Haha no proofreading here we die like Eve.

Like and comment yall. These chapters take a while to write and always have between 1,400-1,900 words and I would really appreciate it if this story spread a bit.

Thx yall.

[pamabrew]

While everyone's K-Drama-ing, I'm K-Beauty-ing.

Nope. This is not about makeup for I am not a makeup person. Whereas, this post is about how I get to discover and appreciate the 10 Steps of Korean's Skincare routine. I know! Crazy right? 10 steps?! I couldn't even get my lazy ass to put anything after washing with soap. Yes, soap. Okay, here's a quick backstory.

BACKSTORY: 

2012 was the worst year for my face. I had breakouts all over my forehead and my cheeks. In short, all over my face!!! That was when I felt down and inferior the most. I couldn't really go out and I would rather stay home because the breakouts were withering. Come 2013 it's still there but decided to leave my cheeks alone, but still got them on my forehead. I used a yellow soap for treatment which I just bought in a local store in our place. Anyway, cut the long story short after "the great breakout" I stopped using any facial wash, makeup or anything that has to do with the face. I just wash it with water and that's it.

It helped though. I hardly had any breakout maybe one or two but that's when I'm on my period. Thank goodness.

Soooo....

I was browsing Instagram one night and saw these cutie packaging from a Korean beauty shop selling Korean skincare products and makeup. I started looking for blogs and articles that have the keyword: skincare, Korean skincare and 10 steps Korean routine on it. I got really inspired with Inky Cherie and Elisa Aquino's blog post about Korean Skincare so I decided to give it a try! After all, I'm turning 30 this year and one thing I can fully give to myself is TLC.

I started buying the products that I would like to try and were highly rated and recommended by bloggers, online shops, and articles I've read. Btw, I have a sensitive to oily skin so you’d better know first your type to exactly know which product to use, okay? Let me share with you guys my... 10 Steps Skincare Routine.

1. Oil Based Cleanser

Most people who put on makeup would definitely enjoy the power of these two. I only put eyebrow pencil and tint blush onto my face only when I’m scheduled to be in the office or have some errands to do. So meaning, I only get to use either of the two in those occasions. I would recommend the moisture cleansing oil for it can easily wipe off the makeup residue on the face even your waterproof mascara. So first step is to do the oil cleansing. 

2. Foaming Cleanser

Yes, I do the double cleansing to eliminate the excess dirt and to remove the cleansing oil from my face. I am using COSRX Low pH Good Morning Gel Cleanser. I use this twice a day; morning and evening. It does wonder to my face! I mean, after using you will instantly feel its power of making your skin feel and look clean! It’s so gentle but I’m not really good with its smell for I don’t like tea tree oil. I don’t like the smell of tea tree oil so that part, I have to endure. The second step is to do the foaming cleansing. 

3. Exfoliator

The most exciting part of doing the 10 steps is to do exfoliating. I am a noob into this kind of thing before, I don’t even know how to exfoliate and why do we have to do so. But now, I am enjoying and learning more about doing this step. I use Watson’s Collagen moisturizing & gentle peeling milk very seldom, but it’s so fun to use because you can actually feel like peeling all the dead skins on your face. Right now I am alternating Neogen Bio-Peel in Lemon and Innisfree Super Volcanic Pore Clay Mask every Wednesday and Sunday. Do not over exfoliate your face so basically, it’s advisable to do it once or twice a week. 

I love Neogen Bio-Peel because 1) it has lemon scent 2) it has two sides, the rough and the soft side. You use the rough side to exfoliate and the soft side to wash off the dead skin then you wash it off with water. You’ll instantly feel its effect! My skin feels so smooth and regenerated. I also love The Innisfree Super Volcanic Pore Clay Mask because 1) the strong absorption of sebum and the cooling effect of the clay refreshes the skin and contracts pores. The label also says that “Jeju volcanic clay is made from minerals released by volcanic explosions in Jeju. It's categorized as a preserved alkaline resource and is effective in removing sebum and other impurities.” 2) I can instantly feel how the mask is like absorbing all of my skin and pores. So the third step is to exfoliate. 

4. Toner

I am currently using COSRX One Step Pimple Clear Pads and Son&Park Beauty Water. I use the beauty water in the morning and the one step pimple clear pads in the evening. I don’t know the others but both work perfectly on my skin. When I’m not exfoliating, I am using the pimple pads because I don’t wanna overdo the scrubbing on my face. According to the product’s description, COSRX One Step Pimple Clear Pads are pre-soaked in betaine salicylate and willow bark water to chemically exfoliate without drying out your skin. Active ingredients penetrate deeply into pores to dissolve oil and dead skin cells, which help in controlling breakouts. This one is perfect for acne prone skin! 

Son&Park Beauty Water has willow bark and papaya extract and also has lavender water, rose water, and orange fruit extract that imparts a subtle hydration on the skin. I love using this because it’s so refreshing to the skin plus, it smells so good and not too strong. So, choose your toner or beauty water well. The fourth step is toning. 

5. Essence

(photo credit)

If you would notice, I am an instant COSRX fan! Not only they have good, gentle and effective products, they also have good packaging! I can’t say much about this essence yet because I am just going to start with this step. I’m still waiting for my order to arrive, probably tomorrow. But I’ve read that essence is the heart of all Korean skincare. “Think of this like vitamins for your face since it's loaded with replenishing and revitalizing nutrients to help prevent and repair damage, giving you ultimate elasticity and hydration.” - this I would have to see for myself. The fifth step is applying essence. (Halfway there!)

6. Serums or Ampoules 

I don’t know much about ampoules and I’m not using one so I can’t say much about it. All I can say is that I am loving this Collagen Hydro Balance Intensive Serum because 1) it’s cheap for a serum 2) it smells so good 3) not sticky at all and it dries quickly. I use this in the morning and at night. 4) it locks in the moisture of my skin and it promised to make your skin visibly healthy and youthful and I’m loving the effect on my skin.

I once used Human Nature’s Sunflower Beauty Oil but I didn’t like its oily effect so I quit. I have to keep it because you can also use it for the hair. :) The Sixth step is applying the serum. 

7. Sheet Mask

I didn’t give much notice on these sheets before. Honestly, at first, I thought it was just for making you look cute or just a fancy thing most girls do. I was wrong. I first enjoyed Etude House Pearl Extract Sheet Mask then ventured into different brands and kind. Currently, I am into Tony Moly and Innisfree sheet masks. Also, I’m enjoying Tony Moly Egg Pore Nose Pack. These sheets definitely give additional effect on my skin and help at least hydrate and repair my soon to be 30-skin. I only use sheet masks twice a week so if you would notice the whole ten steps thing is not really 10. 

So, the 7th step is by using sheet masks. 

8. Eye Cream

For the eye cream, I am using this beauty here. Mizon Snail Repair Eye Cream. Why use an eye cream? I have learned recently that the skin around the eyes is more fragile, more prone to dryness, and quicker to show age and fatigue so it has to have extra TLC. This eye cream gives my skin around my eyes a warm effect. It’s warm like really warm and I supposed that’s how it’s doing its job. I use this in the evening after putting my serum. I’m hoping to see less of my wrinkles in the coming days or weeks. The eighth step it to put an eye cream.  

9. Moisturizer

I am using this wonderful St. Ive’s Collagen Elastin Moisturizer. I’m sure you would find another moisturizer that would work well on your skin but this one I love because 1) why it's so cheap for a moisturizer 2) it smells amazing 3) dries easily and not sticky at all. It will give you a thick feeling on the face but it’ll submerge eventually. Why use a moisturizer? Because it can give your skin a soft and fresher feel. The ninth step is to moisturize.  

10. SPF / Night Cream

At first, I thought sunscreens are only when you have to go to the beach or when you’re going on a camping and would be exposed to the sun the whole day. I was wrong! I didn’t know the importance of sunscreen, especially on the face until I’ve seen videos and read articles about the effect of the sun to the skin. Do some googling. Now, I am using Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry-touch Sunscreen and this is my favorite amongst all the products that I’m using! 1) it’s so thin that I couldn’t even feel like I’m wearing a sunscreen 2) it gives a fine touch to my face like wearing a bb cream or foundation and 3) it smells so good! I feel so protected! Op. 

And at night, instead of using moisturizer, I use a night cream. It’s like putting a wash-off mask but leaving it overnight while it does its repairing and magic. I am using Mizon Good Night White Sleeping Mask. I can feel and see its effect in the morning, looking at my “just woke up” selfie and looking at the mirror looking for my pores! Gone! hahaha! That’s when I know that I’ve chosen the right product for my night mask. GOOD NIGHT! 

Whew! That was quite too many steps, isn’t it? Actually, it would depend on your case and the ways on how you’re going to apply those products. Some would usually have five to six steps and some might only do the three. It depends on the care and repairs your skin needs. Just make sure to find the right product and know your skin type first. Read and do the research. 

I’ve bought most of the products I am using online: Shoppe (The BBCream Shop,  BeautyBoutique, and Watsons. HAPPY SHOPPING! 

So guys, again these steps works perfectly on my skin so if it works on me, that doesn’t mean it would also have the same result on your skin. Not. And also, it’s better to start taking care of your skin early so you don’t have to cram about looking old at your age. There’s nothing wrong about giving your skin an extra TLC. Why Korean products? Because they’re not as expensive as the “infamous” products out there and they’re everywhere! Plus they have cute packaging and they can give same better results like the mainstream skincare products. How about you? What’s your skincare routine? 

Here’s my Good morning selfie and when I’m done putting everything on my face “in the office sched selfie”. #NoFilter

[weeniebikinie]

Here's a thingy I wrote for Christmas and I never finished it but I like it so I'm postiNG (this isn't about anyone in partiular, I just chose a name)

You stepped into the mall, seeking shelter from the sharp winds blowing outside. You smoothed your soft hair and adjusted your scarf, retrieving your phone from your pocket. It was currently December 24th, and you may or may not have procrastinated on the whole Christmas shopping thing. You opened the notes section of your phone to scan the list of people you needed to buy for. So far you had your mom and dad, your best friend Minah, your older brother, and a couple of co-workers from the design office. You should be able to pick out some good presents, I mean who buys their presents on Christmas Eve? Looking up, you saw something completely different from what you were imagining. The mall was absolutely packed. People were everywhere, looking for a child’s toy or the latest technology. A couple stores even had signs in the windows that read ‘We’re sold out, please come back next year!’ Your eyes widened as the amount of people just seemed to multiply, it was as if they were coming out of nowhere. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You could get through this, you might not get the exact present you wanted for each person but you could damn well try. You scanned the stores around you, trying to find the least-crowded one. Your eyes stopped on a music store that was slightly crowded, but not as much as the others. Hurrying over, so more people wouldn’t come before you, you ducked into the store. You wanted to buy the present for your brother here, he had lately begun to be interested in korean hip-hop. He had given you his top three artists the week before, hinting at what he wanted. You wrote them on your Christmas list and read them in your head once more. You decided it was better to ask the clerk, because you didn’t really know much about it. You strode over to the counter slowly, lightly touching old CDs and new ones on your way. You stopped short, seeing the decent sized line that stood before the cashier. You decided to wait, not wanting to be impatient. Tapping your foot, your eyes wandered around the store. The walls were covered in posters of artists from Big Bang to the Bee Gees. On the small television in the corner, a music video that you couldn’t remember the name of was playing. The shop had a somewhat comfortable atmosphere, the old carpet and faded wallpaper giving a somewhat melancholy feeling. A shout broke you out of your small trance, “Yah! Is this gonna take all day?” People suddenly chorused after him with ‘yeah’ and ‘I have more important things to do’. You sighed, watching people be disrespectful towards the cashier, didn’t they know he was doing his best to serve their whiny selves? You looked up at him, squinting at his name tag. It read…Jiyoung? Hm, an interesting but nice name. You watched as he ran a hand through his auburn hair, you could tell that he was trying to coach himself into not giving these people a death glare. He took a deep breath and continued scanning items and answering questions. You shook your head and looked down at your phone as people seemed to calm down. Suddenly, you felt a sharp thwap on the front of your head. Your eyes shot up, looking to see who was responsible. Several people in line stood with their mouths forming and ‘O’. You looked over to two women fighting over a kid’s DVD. Their fight had progressed from yelling to slapping. You guessed that while all of this occurred, their precious DVD flew away and hit you in the head. You closed your eyes and took a long, deep breath. Walking over to the two women you picked up the DVD. You dangled the DVD before their eyes, “What seems to be the problem here?” One of the women smiled frankly and huffed, “You see ma’am, I had this DVD first. I want to get it for my little niece, that I only see once a year-” She was interrupted by the other woman, “Well actually I had it first, and I need it for my daughter. This is the only thing she asked for that I haven’t bought her-” Suddenly, the DVD was in their hands once more. The women were grabbing for movie like gorillas grabbing for the last banana. You couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. Before you could see what was happening, one of them lost their grip. Her fist came towards your face, and the next thing you knew you were on the ground. You closed your eyes for at least a minute in order to avoid punching the woman before you. You opened your eyes and touched your cheek, picking up a small amount of blood. You huffed, fluffing your bangs. Standing, you dusted yourself off. “You know what, I think I’m going to give this DVD to someone who deserves it.” You picked up the movie, their eyes following your hand that held the DVD. Reaching the end of the line, you crouched down with a smile and handed it to a young girl. She smiled brightly and you patted her head, returning to the two gorillas. You returned to find Jiyoung scolding them. “…and if you would like to purchase the rest of the items in your hand I strongly suggest that you stand in line calmly, or you will be asked to leave, okay?” His brown eyes widened when he saw you, “Are you okay?” He took a few steps towards you, and touched your cheek very lightly where you had been cut. He was being so cautious it was almost laughable, it was as if you were going to break. “Yeah I’m okay, but do you have a band-aid?” He nodded, but paused to look around the store. He looked a bit stressed, which could be expected. His posture relaxed when his eyes met the part-time worker just walking into the store. “Hey Aimee can you take the register for a bit? I know it’s kind of busy but I’ll be back in like 10 minutes.” She sighed, but relented. “Sure thing, but make sure it’s 10 minutes. 15 tops.” She began to set her things down and slid her lanyard around her neck. She ran a hand through her hair before righting herself in front of the register. “Come with me.” Jiyoung grabbed your wrist, leading you into the stockroom. The room was smaller than imagined, but you didn’t know what else you expected from the size of the store. “Sit there for a minute, let me find the first aid kit.” He gave you a small smirk before turning to confront the small mess that was the stockroom before him. You took a seat on a pile of boxes, watching him rustle through papers looking for the small box. You didn’t really know what to make of this Jiyoung guy, I mean he seemed nice. He offered to get you a band-aid, so that must mean something. You decided to take a better look at him now that you had the time. He had dark-auburn hair that was growing out, you could see his dark brown roots coming through. He was pretty tall and somewhat lanky, he seemed to be the clumsy type. You know the people who have long limbs that they can’t seem to control? You laughed quietly to yourself, imagining this situation. He looked up from what he was doing with a slightly quizzical expression. He shook his head and returned to what he was doing. He moved from the table to the wall organizer. It was overflowing with everything from price stickers to pens and pencils, oh boy. “Do you want some help looking for it?” You asked him, noticing his slight distress. “Yeah, thanks. I didn’t catch your name by the way?” He looked over at you as you joined him to sift through the organizer. “Oh I’m Y/N. You’re Jiyoung right?” He nodded as you pulled several old and withered sheets of price stickers from the organizer. You tossed them aside, realizing that the first aid kit probably wouldn’t be in there. You moved to a small cardboard box in the far left corner of the room, “So how did you get stuck here on Christmas Eve?”